You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
