i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
