walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize