also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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