So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
