Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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