worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
