I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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