Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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