I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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