it wasn't lemon gatorade
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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