When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
