Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
