no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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