Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
