Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
