it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize