Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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