I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
