hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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