new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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