if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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