i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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