It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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