honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
