Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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