it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Hippo gnu deer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
