Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
