watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
