dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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