i just had sex bonerless
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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