Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
