I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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