It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
