You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
