so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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