i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
