clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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