I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
