FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
