Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Someone signed my nipple.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
