i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm drive I can fine osifer
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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