I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
