I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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