I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Randomize