I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
