hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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