somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
