Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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