One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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