I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
