at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
