Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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