I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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