You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
