Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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