R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
