I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
