would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
