Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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