I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize