I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
