Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
