I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
