I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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