and i looked up. we had an audience...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
