he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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