Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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