The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
