I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
