God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
