don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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