You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize