I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
