my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
