i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize