its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
