true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize