woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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