Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize