I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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