so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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