okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize