i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
