sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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