I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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