god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize