There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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