hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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