Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
