i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
